Commitment--Or Lack Thereof: The trouble with shacking up

“No. Not just no, Heck No!” Wise Readers, that’s what you felt about a Pete/Tina shack-up, per the recent Folk Wisdom inquiry. Through it, 41 readers anonymously submitted advice about a real couple in their mid-20’s with three years of dating and a desire to move in. But whereas Tina saw cohabiting as Engagement Lite, Pete viewed it more like a car lot—where test driving now can prevent owning a lemon later. Yet the majority who advised against a Pete/Tina move-in tended to approve cohabitation generally. Which brings us to a deeper question: Is cohabitation helpful in general—for most people on the path to choosing a mate?

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Folk Wisdom: Should they shack up?

Folk wisdom—the accumulated knowledge of regular people—is what most of us really use every day to make our decisions. Which means it’s Important. Often, there are several folk wisdom answers for any one scenario—and social science tells us which of the many possible answers will actually work for most people most of the time. So I’m going to give you a scenario from time to time, and ask you to write back with your advice about it. Then, in a later article I will summarize your answers and give the advice science supports. Ready? Here’s the survey link for this week’s scenario, where your responses will be anonymous: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=hsNlRau4oQu8j_2fv1W8KTQA_3d_3d

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When First Love Is True Love: Re-Igniting The Old Flame

As science would have it, the best decision could well be returning to your first love. In fact, Dr. Nancy Kalish, expert on reunited relationships and author of a research-based book, “Lost & Found Lovers: Facts and fantasies of rekindled romances”, has interviewed thousands of lovers who re-established contact with a former flame. Although a few re-connections crash and burn, almost 80% of rekindled first loves passionately burn for a lifetime of happiness. So, Kalish’s research predicts that yes, your love with your first boyfriend is realistic, and yes, you could remain blissfully happy with him for a lifetime—IF you fit a certain profile.

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Texting Your Breakup? Whether, When, How, Why

Dear Duana, I just found an article that says Saudi men can now use text messaging to divorce their wives. Just send the words “I divorce you” three times, and the marriage is finished. Okay, we’re not quite that bad here, but I think we’ve gone overboard with reliance on technology to do things that really should be done in person. What do you know about this? And what’s the right way to break up, if there is one? Matt

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