Hard-To-Get? Mating-Centrism and Other Pitfalls Of Early Dating

Dear Duana, I’m a therapist with a question about my client, “Suzy”. After just three weeks of dating “Steve”, she’s already refusing to see others, but he hasn’t said anything about their being exclusive. I know this is the wrong strategy for finding a good man, but I don’t know what to tell her about why, and what she should say and do instead. Any advice? Dear Therese, You’re absolutely right. If she wants anything long-term later, Suzy needs to keep dating others now, and more than that—she needs to say so to Steve. But I’ll bet Suzy doesn’t see it that way. She probably thinks dating others will turn Steve away, feels dishonest about dating around, wants to avoid hurting his feelings by showing him a clear path ahead, and hopes that by showing early commitment, she can influence Steve to reciprocate. Unfortunately, that’s wrong x 4.

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"Write About Your Love", Build A Virtuous Cycle

Wise Readers, This week, please welcome science writer Jena Pincott, whose fascinating blog and book Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? were referenced in last week’s post. May you enjoy it as I do— and see you next week for more Love Science. Cheers, Duana “Let go and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts about your relationship.” That’s what psychologists told their study subjects to do, in a journal or diary, for twenty minutes a day. They had a theory that writing about a lover could make love last longer…

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Comments from "When Men Wait For Sex"

As of today, I’ll be sending you the comments section from the most recent highly-commented-on post from Love Science on the off-weeks when an original Love Science column is not posted. This way, you won’t miss a thing—-and you *will* get what amount to follow-up Love Science articles. Because as you’ll see, readers and I continue the discussion together from a science-based point of view that keeps in mind their, and perhaps your, personal concerns. And now: Reader comments from “When Men Wait For Sex”…

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When Men Wait For Sex: Dumb like a fox

Dear Duana, I’ve had a lot of luck with women, sexually speaking. But I’ve also gotten bored and restless pretty fast afterwards. I’d like to find something long-term with the right woman, and I’m considering waiting to put on the moves. Everything in my body and half my brain says I’m crazy to even think it. Am I the only guy with this issue? And is waiting for sex ever smart for a man? Dear Kyle: Yes, I hear the voices, too—The Genes Of Your Ancestors are screaming your insanity for putting off ‘til tomorrow what and whom you could be doing today. But you’re not crazy. And what you’re suggesting is dumb like a fox…

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Put A Ring On It: Trial separation versus trial marriage

Scientifically speaking, here’s what most women think at move-in: “I wonder when we’re getting married.” And most men think: “I wonder what’s on TV.” Ironically, women are choosing cohabitation now more than at any point in prior Western history—hoping for marriage while doing the very thing that undermines the likelihood of getting it. Be warned: Science shows that most men are inherently more reluctant to commit, and moving in before setting the wedding date hurts your chances of ever having him Put A Ring On It. But there’s still something you can do; here’s what and why.

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