Why Not To Look Up That Old Flame On Facebook; or, How To Wreck A Perfectly Good Marriage (REVISED)

About 25% of us have one: A Lost Love from our youth who didn’t become our forever mate. And it’s only natural to wonder whatever happened to them. But for the married among us, it may be best to keep those musings to ourselves. This post—the first and most popular at Love Science—is updated per new data from paramount Lost Lovers researcher Dr. Nancy Kalish. Fascinating new details are here, but they only strengthen the core message: Unless you’re single, divorced or widowed—don’t look up that old flame on Facebook.

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"Write About Your Love", Build A Virtuous Cycle

Wise Readers, This week, please welcome science writer Jena Pincott, whose fascinating blog and book Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? were referenced in last week’s post. May you enjoy it as I do— and see you next week for more Love Science. Cheers, Duana “Let go and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts about your relationship.” That’s what psychologists told their study subjects to do, in a journal or diary, for twenty minutes a day. They had a theory that writing about a lover could make love last longer…

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Put A Ring On It: Trial separation versus trial marriage

Scientifically speaking, here’s what most women think at move-in: “I wonder when we’re getting married.” And most men think: “I wonder what’s on TV.” Ironically, women are choosing cohabitation now more than at any point in prior Western history—hoping for marriage while doing the very thing that undermines the likelihood of getting it. Be warned: Science shows that most men are inherently more reluctant to commit, and moving in before setting the wedding date hurts your chances of ever having him Put A Ring On It. But there’s still something you can do; here’s what and why.

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Commitment--Or Lack Thereof: The trouble with shacking up

“No. Not just no, Heck No!” Wise Readers, that’s what you felt about a Pete/Tina shack-up, per the recent Folk Wisdom inquiry. Through it, 41 readers anonymously submitted advice about a real couple in their mid-20’s with three years of dating and a desire to move in. But whereas Tina saw cohabiting as Engagement Lite, Pete viewed it more like a car lot—where test driving now can prevent owning a lemon later. Yet the majority who advised against a Pete/Tina move-in tended to approve cohabitation generally. Which brings us to a deeper question: Is cohabitation helpful in general—for most people on the path to choosing a mate?

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Folk Wisdom: Should they shack up?

Folk wisdom—the accumulated knowledge of regular people—is what most of us really use every day to make our decisions. Which means it’s Important. Often, there are several folk wisdom answers for any one scenario—and social science tells us which of the many possible answers will actually work for most people most of the time. So I’m going to give you a scenario from time to time, and ask you to write back with your advice about it. Then, in a later article I will summarize your answers and give the advice science supports. Ready? Here’s the survey link for this week’s scenario, where your responses will be anonymous: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=hsNlRau4oQu8j_2fv1W8KTQA_3d_3d

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