How To Forgive An Affair (He Won’t Admit)

My husband admits he endangered our marriage, but insists he never had an affair—his two-year secret sweetie was “just a good friend”! Why is the truth so hard for him to tell? And (how) can I forgive him—for my sanity and our unity and our family? Dear Katherine, People don’t jeopardize their life’s foundation for “just a good friend”…yet forgiveness is *the norm* even among the betrayed spouses of sex addicts…

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Comments from "Her Cheatin' Heart: Infidelity's Aftermath"

Wise Readers, Prevailing cultural wisdom says unhappy couples should divorce for the sake of the kids; adultery is always a good reason for divorce; and couples who are unhappy will usually stay that way. Yet science has disproven these ideas. Is there a need for divorce—and if so, when? Do men and women cheat for the same reasons? Which aspects of an affair are the least forgivable for women versus men? And what do real-life women say about their affairs? Read on!

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Her Cheatin’ Heart: Infidelity’s aftermath

Dear Duana, Two years ago, my wife’s wandering attention prompted me to scope phone records, where I found many lengthy calls to another man. Although she claims it was only emotional, my gut says otherwise…Do I divorce her, or is there some way to quit feeling so jealous and angry, forgive her and prevent this from happening again? Dear Tristan, As Dr. David Buss says, eliminating your jealousy “…would be like smashing a smoke alarm to solve the problem of a house fire. Successful coping requires dealing with the fire.” You sensed emotional heat at a minimum—and perhaps a full-on sexual blaze. And you stopped it. But what now?…

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Comments from “Why Not To Look Up That Old Flame On Facebook; Or, How To Wreck A Perfectly Good Marriage”

Although a recent Time magazine column made it sound as if friending an old flame on Facebook was just as likely to produce boredom as passion, you and I now know otherwise. Do all old flames represent a threat—or is there a profile for dangerous liaisons? How do married folks handle trust in an e-dominated world? What’s the divorce rate of reunited lost lovers who marry one another? Does jealousy serve any good purpose? How can you find a trustworthy mate—and affair-proof your own relationship? Do affairs “just happen”—or are they usually planned? And if you’re already in a quandary with a Lost Lover, where can you turn for help? Read on!

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