Affairs & Forgiveness & You, oh my

Wise Readers,

Affairs: They’re common.  But forgivable—how?  Many of you have asked.  And next week, I’ll answer. 

For now, though, it can help if you first see where you stand.  So please take three questionnaires and write me in the morning:

The first set of 16 questions deals with how vulnerable your relationship is to unhappiness that can be (but is *not* necessarily) at the root of an affair:  http://www.shirleyglass.com/quizrelationship.php

and how vulnerable you yourself are to being unfaithful (19 questions):  http://www.shirleyglass.com/quizindividual.php

And while we’re at it…what is forgiveness, and how have things gone with forgiving the last person who really hurt you?:  http://www.authentichappiness.org

Just surf to the middle of the page, and click on the Transgressions Motivation Questionnaire.  (Only academics would come up with that name instead of Forgiveness Quiz, right?  Oh, and also, this quiz only covers two aspects of forgiveness—it’s not The Whole Enchilada.  But it’s a good place to start.) 

You’ll be asked to register or log in, which I normally refuse to do.  However, Authentic Happiness is an exception, being a 100% research-based site you can use to improve your life generally, for free.  I use it, and so do my students.  So register, already. 

Then, take the 12-item quiz, which focuses on avenging and avoiding as signs of (un)forgiveness…

And write me in the morning. 

Cheers,

Duana

If this article intrigued, surprised or enlightened you, please write a comment and/or click “Share Article” below to link it with your favorite social media website.

All material copyrighted by Duana C. Welch, Ph.D. and Love Science Media, 2010

Do you have a question for Duana?  Contact her at Duana@LoveScienceMedia.com

The author wishes to acknowledge the following scientists and sources:

—Shirley Glass, for authoring not only the above infidelity quizzes, but also for conducting in-depth research culminating in her book Not “Just Friends” : Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal  (PS: If you think your relationship might or has suffered an affair, Buy This Book—really.)

—Martin Seligman, for writing the research-based book Authentic Happiness and creating the same-name website to help us all live happier lives through scientific psychology. 

Comments

[Gillian]

Duana, Will you be viewing your readers' survey results? And then using them as a basis to write your article?

[Duana C. Welch, Ph.D.]

Hi, Gillian,
Thanks for asking this; I should have clarified in the post itself.

I don't collect any survey results without expressly saying so. So, I won't be able to see anyone's results for these three questionnaires. (Occasionally, I do use Survey Monkey to collect Love Science reader opinions, but I always say ahead of time that I'm going to view the results when that happens.)

So, these three questionnaires are for your benefit and your eyes only. The intent is to let you (and not me!) see where you stand before the full article is up next week. The article itself will be based on a specific letter a reader wrote about how to forgive following the revelation of an affair.

Thanks again--see you next week!

Cheers,

Duana