Wise Readers,
On this night exactly 15 years ago, the story that would eventually launch my career and my passion began. It was awful and sad, and it has made me who I am now. Here it is—and may your own challenges bring light:
“Nearly 15 years ago, on a plane bound for San Antonio with my toddler, I met a very kind man who told me that everything would be okay.
“I needed to borrow his faith. I had run away from my home in California, where my then-husband was a danger to himself, to me, and to our two-year-old, who had recently been diagnosed with a chronic condition. I pretended to be leaving for a long family visit, and we never went back.
“I ran to my family in Texas—leaving behind a research and academic career, pets, community, friends, colleagues, students, and the first house I’d ever bought. A suitcase and a case of pneumonia went with me.
“It was the lowest point of my life, admitting defeat and leaving so much I loved, including the father of my child, a good man with a bad problem. I was unemployed for over a year, and wondered who I was. After all, my life from age 17 onward was dedicated to developing a career I now couldn’t hope to replicate. It felt like I would never feel cheer or humor or love again. I went to therapy and was on antidepressants…for years.
“Many people helped us. A few were: my mom and stepdad, who opened their house to us for eight months and gave my child a solid family where he was continually safe, cherished, and cared for; women in the community, who actively included us in their lives and who showed compassion without judgment; doctors who assured me I was doing fine keeping my child safe, and who treated me as a peer as I sought help for my own depression; the priest-turned-lawyer who made sure I got unemployment benefits even though I’d left my job voluntarily, “because you did the only thing a good parent had a choice to do;” the small-business owner who made me president of her company, and who remains a close friend; and that very kind man on the plane, who knew nothing of my situation but could see that I was suffering and assured me there were brighter days ahead.
“Ultimately, and most vitally, there was Vic Hariton, who saw everything we could be, and what I could do, and who became my husband and the hero of my story. We met four years into my single-parent journey. Over a decade after our vows, we’ve created lives, shared and separate, that are filled with meaning and joy and that we wouldn’t have dreamed of without the support of the other.
“Dating: Before Children Vs. After Children
“In this book, I delve into real people’s challenges and explore my personal trials, too. It’s imperative that if I’m going to write about your struggles, I should come clean about my own. I’m not preaching at you from the Mt. Olympus of perfection. I’ve been tried, found wanting, and recovered from a badly broken heart, not just metaphorically but literally: I required open-heart surgery a few years after leaving my ex. I know the emotional, financial, and physical toll and unique challenges that rebuilding your life while single-parenting can bring.
“One of those unique challenges is dating. Because if you’ve dated Before Children and After Children, you know it’s not the same! The book you’re now reading is a whole new take for single parents who are committed to getting love right this time around, with information on challenges that specifically deal with your needs.”
This excerpt is from Love Factually for Single Parents [& Those Dating Them], the first book that uses science to help men and women find not only the right partner for themselves, but their families—releasing worldwide on 1/7/2019 in audiobook, e-book, and paperback. You can preorder your copy, get a free chapter, and get the free Notebook that accompanies this book here:
Wishing you all healthy love for the New Year.
