Dear Duana,
I recently got off The Pill, and suddenly cannot tolerate the way my husband smells, although his hygiene is fine and nothing’s changed but my perception of his not-so-pleasing aroma. Is this a real thing with women in general, or am I just weird? And is there a solution—quickly, please?
Vicki
Dear Duana,
I fell in love with someone online, and then when we met in person, he (not his cologne—he) smelled wrong. I felt like I must be crazy, but there was nothing to be done about it. Is there something concrete to the idea of “chemistry”? And how can I avoid getting skunked again?
Jewel
Dear Vicki and Jewel,
Scent is a deal-maker or deal-breaker for many women. So much so, “He just smells wrong” is a common marital therapy complaint from women. So much so, recent science found that smell trumps *all* other senses
And she asked a question that may have crossed your mind: “What is wrong with me?”
As it happens, nothing. In all likelihood, her sense of olfaction was operating exactly as it should—and so is yours. Because when a woman can’t stomach a man’s scent, something may be wrong with *the match*, in the form of too much genetic similarity. The MHC (major histocompatibility complex) gene cluster effects body odor. Not coincidentally, it also creates the best, broadest-spectrum immune system for Junior when Future Mom and Dad bring very *different* MHC’s to the boudoir. And women—but not men—can quite literally smell the right and wrong match for them.
Here’s how it works: Given *nothing* but a set of worn-two-nights T-shirts from male strangers, women rate each shirt for scent sexiness; researchers keep data on the wearers’ and sniffers’ MHC’s. Results? Women find the MHC-similar guys to have a repulsive stench—and the MHC-dissimilar men to have real appeal. So, one woman’s trash bin is another woman’s treasure, just depending on the divergence between his-n-her genes. (Women can also sniff out the best-looking men, and may be able to detect sexual orientation using nothing but their noses. Really.)
It’s easy to see how women would inherit a way to sniff the best path forward for our progeny, passing this ability to our own daughters in the process. Given that we females have so few chances at procreation, and live with the results (aka Kids) for decades, we benefit from being attuned to all markers of our prospective children’s survival. And at least one study suggests that parents with too much MHC commonality may have trouble conceiving, and their kids are likelier to be underweight at birth, fail to thrive, be physically unattractive, and/or have skin problems than kids with Choosy Mothers Who Choose Diversity. (Men, being biologically freer to follow a spread-the-seed creed, can afford to ignore women’s aroma as a guide to compatibility—and usually do.)
Problem: the Internet and The Pill derail this ancient compatibility test—the former by depriving women of essential information during early courtship, the latter by keeping women’s bodies in a state of pseudo-pregnancy where they may be drawn to kinship scents associated with protection—genes like Dear Ol’ Dad’s—that would otherwise turn them off. Indeed, a variation on the smelly-shirt studies finds that women on hormones are attracted to the opposite of what Nature would intend—preferring the scent of men with MHC’s closely *matching* their own.
What to do?
Well, Jewel O’ The Internet, your solution is straightforward: Stay off The Pill and other hormones while you’re courting, and meet prospective partners for a sniff-n-greet as soon as you’ve established an interest. Just lean in, hug, and slowly, sneakily inhale when you first arrive and again as you’re leaving. You might also contemplate using GenePartner.com in conjunction with your current e-dating site, orScientificMatch.com, two sites that strive for partnering based on genetic compatibility in addition to more traditional social and emotional criteria—although even then, you’d still need to conduct your own smell-test upon finding a Person Of Interest.
And Vicki, there’s a solution for you, too, *if* you can get back on The Pill and stay there for…well, maybe forever. It is very likely that returning to use of oral contraception will eradicate the off-putting odor, renewing your interest in your mate.
But be warned: Staying off The Pill permanently and hoping for the best is *not* likely to bring harmony to your olfaction or your lovelife. In fact, your current state of distress may be an affair risk. To wit,one recent study collected MHC’s and other relationship data on 48 long-term couples. Results? As couples’ MHC’s were increasingly alike, the women reported being less attracted to their mate; rejecting his sexual overtures more often; enjoying sex with their man less; fantasizing about other men; and following through on those fantasies with real-life sexual affairs. And whereas most couples share about 20% of their MHC genes in common, among couples sharing half, the affair risk for women was 50%.
Upshot? Jewel, however you meet a man, if you don’t yearn to live with your nose at his neck, better to back off and trust yourself for so doing. And Vicki, if you want this marriage to work, it’s Pill time again, stat.
Because when it comes to love, we girls follow our nose.
Cheers,
Duana
The author wishes to acknowledge the following scientists and sources:
Claus Wedekind and others, for ground-breaking work on MHC’s, The Pill, and smelly t-shirts
Christine Garver-Apgar, Steven Gangestad, Randy Thornhill, and others, for their fascinating discoveries about MHC and infidelity
Carole Ober, for work showing how women in “closed communities” still seek out a man with a different MHC, as well as data regarding fertility and disease based on genetic compatibility (various PDF’s at her site)
Christine Garver-Apgar, Steven Gangestad and Randy Thornhill, whose science has shown that women can detect the most symmetrical men by smell alone
Cindy Meston and David Buss, Why Women Have Sex
Jena Pincott, Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes?
Rachel Herz, The Scent of Desire
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All material copyrighted by Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., and LoveScience Media, 2012, 2010.