Dear Duana,
I’d like to hear you discuss a current oddity. Why has the book Fifty Shades of Grey reached such a crest of popularity? It’s badly written, the characters—such as they are—are unsympathetic, and the plot pushes women into a role we’ve spent centuries changing. The heroine is clueless, a willing victim to a hero who is cruel, scarred and without a single redeeming virtue. Yet the female readers of this mishmash are wild about it and have made it an ongoing best seller. I’d like your opinion on why that has happened and if the book’s popularity does say something about the women of today. Thanks for the insight you give us all.
Phae
Dear Phae,
There’s a term for opining about books one has not read: bullcrit. And I’ve thus far avoided writing about Shades because I prefer reviewing a) science books and b) books I’ve actually read.
But numerous thought-full letters like yours point to the possible Human Universals, aka Evolved Mating Psychology, lying between the covers of The Shades. So bullcrit, here we come—with science I’ve actually read to back it up, of course.
And could you do me a favor? Please envision me with my wrist swept dramatically across my forehead during this entire article, or alternately, with a torn bodice and freshly-bitten lips. And for any Wise Readers who really did read Shades, please let me know how close-in or far-out this gets.
“a role we’ve spent centuries changing”
Have we moved beyond the sex roles attributed to Fifty Shades—roles where docile women thrill to the sexual aggression dished out by controlling, powerful men*?
Well, in my lifetime, admittedly just shy of several centuries’ duration, the USA has changed from a nation where most people thought a husband could not sexually assault his wife because marriage implied constant consent, to one in which laws recognize a woman’s right to say no, no matter what. In real life and real research, American women say they hate sexual aggression more than anything else a man can do, including battering and verbal abuse. And they’re not fond of battering and verbal abuse.
Yet women are reading Shades, and not by force; as of this writing, the trilogy sweeps all three of the top sales positions in four categories on the NYT bestseller list. Shades hits a lot of nerves—many of them clitoral. How much progress could that imply?
“a hero who is cruel, scarred and without a single redeeming virtue”
Let’s start by acknowledging two things:
Thing 1: Whoever said women don’t watch porn because we’d rather read it has a point. There is porn for women, and it’s called The Romance Novel. And just as porn for men outsells all other forms of media—combined, every year—, porn for women outsells other kinds of books.
Thing 2: In a shocking discovery, scientists have found that women distinguish between fantasy and reality. The implications of fantasy may be numerous and nefarious, but women are aware of hating forced sexual acts in real life that some lust for in imagination.
And it’s soooo predictable. Because The Romance Novel is formulaic; just as male porn caters very specifically to men’s sexual fantasies, female porn caters to women’s.
And I’ll bet you a whole dollar that Shades embodies at least a few of these scientifically-established aspects of women’s fantasized lust:
—A hero who is rich, rich, rich.
—And powerful, powerful, powerful; a castle or dynasty or corporation in his name is always a plus.
—Oh, and very good-looking.
See, those are three redeeming virtues right there, at least as far as women’s global preferences go. In research, some women even acknowledge fantasizing about rape—but not with the asymmetrical peasant. They instead cogitate on the guy with the goods, the man who can provide for and protect them from everyone but him, all while giving good Genes his great looks can confer to prospective offspring.
—In women’s fantasies, there can be other suitors who exist to boost the woman’s worth in Our Hero’s eyes; indeed, it’s a common ploy of romance novels (This is also why the Heroine is typically a young, beautiful, independent-minded virgin.). But in most women’s fantasies and in the books, the women themselves are choosing Just One Guy as the true object of lust and love. Women can usually only have one offspring per year regardless of how many men they bed, yes? Well, female fantasies usually reflect that proclivity for A Relationship with One Provider, instead of the typical male fantasy of No Relationships But Many Conquests.
—More importantly, in the novels, Our Hero is focused only on Our Heroine~or he soon will be. Sure, he could and likely has had any woman he wanted, being the universally sought hottie he is. But in her fantasy and her romance novels, Our Heroine is special, singular, worthy of his wholly focused pursuit. He gives up having the world to make *her* his world, doing whatever it takes to utterly conquer her heart and hind. For women, commitment and monogamy are sizzling, signaling not just that this guy is Rich, Powerful, and Good Looking, but that he’s giving 100% of that great stuff just to this one woman and any kids they might have.
—Love and signs of commitment play starring roles in female fantasy—but so does His Personality. The guy can be dastardly. Brooding. Silent—or nearly so. Difficult. Caddish. Mysterious. His past is riddled with sin. But underneath all of that, way, way down deep, he is just a wounded soul who will be made whole and good by the Love of One Woman. Sure, maybe nobody else will ever see it… (See why women can take a while to give up on an abuser in real life.)
—The Hero initially tells himself he can resist this gorgeous, nubile heroine, but he finds that he cannot; to wit, Mr. Darcy’s awkward proposal to Miss Elizabeth Bennett in the 1700’s. Our Hero may own the free world, but he is Our Heroine’s slave. In fantasy, the woman is so powerful, she overpowers even the most powerful man’s good sense and common virtue; he will give her his All because she’s going to become his Everything. See all points above.
—Oh, and there’s sex, too…usually…at some point… (In the male fantasy, you can skip directly to this.)
“the women of today”
Our emotions today still arise from the ancient past. The fascinating thing isn’t just that women have these fantasies, but that the fantasies’ elemental characteristics are ubiquitous across time, space, and many cultures—giving yet another sign that women’s mating psychology is shared and inherited. It’s not like women envision being overcome by the trash man, unless they’re sexually involved with that exact trash man. No. The guy in the novels, from Pride & Prejudice to Jane Eyre to Wuthering Heights to Twilight to Shades, is That Guy. Developed nations have changed a lot, but Our Hero has maintained persistent characteristics from one generation and one century and one country to the next.
Almost as if the women of today still wanted provision and protection—and Relational signs of it—like their ancestral mothers did. And almost as if being desired by the highly desirable still feels like an ancient form of power.
Upshot? Phae, I can’t tell you why this particular book is outselling others with similar plotlines or far superior writing. But it’s a funny thing about literature. To sell, it can be well-written, politically correct, moral, and logical—but it needn’t be. It just needs to tap into universal themes; themes which are universal because they in turn tap into our inherited psychology.
Cheers,
Duana
*The basic premise of Fifty Shades, per Amazon.com’s Book Description, is this: “When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.
“Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.”
Do you have a question for Duana? Email her at Duana@LoveScienceMedia.com. Your letter will receive a personal answer, and if it is used on-site, your identity and some details will be altered to maintain your anonymity.
All material copyrighted by Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., and LoveScienceMedia, 2012.
Related LoveScience articles:
Why Porn Is Boring (to women): http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/love-science-media/why-porn-is-boringto-women.html
Men and Porn and Relationships: http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/love-science-media/porn-pastime-or-peril.html
The author wishes to thank the following scientists and sources:
Bruce Ellis and Donald Symons, for their research into men’s and women’s sexual fantasies and the evolutionary psychology underpinning them. If you want to read the article, here’s the citation: Ellis, B. J., & Symons, D. (1990). “Sex differences in sexual fantasy: An evolutionary psychological approach.” Journal of Sex Research, 27, 527-556. Or it’s available for online purchase here: http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/3812772?uid=3739920&uid=2129&uid=2&uid=70&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21101128074337
David Buss, as ever, for his outstanding chapter reviewing studies on men’s and women’s fantasies in his book The Evolution Of Desire (Revised Edition).