How The Brady Bunch Is Hurting Your Stepfamily NEW podcast

Wise Readers: Blended family? I don’t think so! Why believing the Brady Bunch myth is harmful, and other stepfamily issues solved! My NEW podcast with the awesome scientist/podcaster Dr. Terri Orbuch is live NOW!

https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/the-love-doctor-is/the-love-doctor-is-in-nwdueO9QbPL/

Dating During Covid 19 podcast on the science of love

Dating and science go together—yes, even amid Coronavirus!: my NEW podcast at Life & Love w/ Dr. Karin is out NOW: 
Youtube: smarturl.it/EP92-YTB 
Apple Podcast: smarturl.it/EP92-APPL 
Spotify: smarturl.it/EP92-SPTY 
#LoveFactually
#Dating
#Coronavirus
#Covid

The Path of Love, The Bias of Hate

Wise Readers,

Are you racist—or unconsciously biased in that direction? Much to my horror, I am—against my will, against my conscious choosing, and against my values.

That’s not my best guess; there’s proof. Here’s a test I took in front of my college students that showed, every single semester for years, that while I want to be non-racist, and I consciously hope I am egalitarian…bias against blackness and in favor of whiteness was and is nonetheless deeply rooted in me. I have failed every version of the test across the years, including five minutes ago. (If you are curious about your own results, you can take the test here: 

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/user/agg/blindspot/indexrk.htm)

In all my years as a professor presenting this test to my students, nearly everyone favored whiteness and disfavored blackness. In fact, only one person ever ‘passed’ the test, bias-free. One. I still remember her name, over a decade later.

Notice that racism can be many things: it can be overt hatred, yes. It can also be systems that routinely favor whiteness. It can be discomfort that shows itself in avoidance of people who look different than oneself. And it can be implicit, unconscious, and unchosen bias against dark skin. 

And racial bias matters; bias kills; it ruins lives; it calls the police on black men who are simply bird-watching and asking us to leash our dogs. George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, David McAtee—casually asphyxiated, shot eight times while sleeping, hunted down while jogging, gunned down while protesting—all were murdered by those sworn to protect and serve, and while doing things for which white people are routinely ignored.

Overt hatred doubtless played a major role in most and maybe all of those murders. Science is my thing, though—and as yet other experiments have shown, unexamined bias likely did its worst too. 

I’m not suggesting that most of us would kill another person wantonly or willfully—regardless of race. But the past few weeks have shown us that as a nation, race not only has mattered, it still does. As individuals and as a country, we’re far from the path of love most of us want to be on, particularly when it comes to people of color.

And that’s why I’m writing about it now: my work is about love. And for our own happiness as well as that of others, we need to be about love. Not just romantic love. Love. Racism and its manifestations are not the path of love; they’re the bias of hate. 

My work is also about science, and there’s so much science that proves that racism is a continuum—a scale that all of us, including myself, are on. Any social psychology textbook presents dozens or even hundreds of studies proving this; experiments where students in computer simulations accidentally shoot innocent black people far more frequently than they shoot innocent whites; a survey from the past four years where US medical doctors believe black people feel less pain than white people do. And look at real life: innocent blacks really are shot much oftener than innocent whites; as a whole, doctors really do pay more attention to white pain than to pain in people of color, and as a result blacks have worse healthcare outcomes than whites. In the words of psychiatrist Thomas Szasz, “Ideas have consequences.” Biases and beliefs do, too.

You may have guessed the bad news by now, based on my test results alone: it’s not possible for most of us to become non-biased when it comes to race. Racism as a system, and as individual bias and belief, is in the water we drink and the air we breathe. It’s in our history, which affects our present and by extrapolation our future. It’s bigger than any one of us.

But we can move toward becoming anti-racist. And maybe you, like me, have decided it’s a goal you want to take part in. Maybe some of you, like me, want kindness, respect, and equality to extend to all people, yet until recently, you’ve waited for things to get better on their own. Maybe like me, you didn’t think you were actively part of this problem, so there was little need for self-examination and change. 

I can’t tell you how to do that. I can show you to the people who can, though—people of color and those who have already listened deeply to people of color, educators who show the way. Here’s a list to get you started, from Ibram X. Kendi and the New York Times. I also personally recommend Mr. Kendi’s book How To Be An Antiracist; White Fragility, by Robin DiAngelo; and Me and White Supremacy, by Layla F. Saad and Robin DiAngelo. 

You’ve stuck with me through 11 years now of LoveScience, and you know my most frequent saying well: Science proves that if you can find and be someone kind and respectful, your love life will probably go well; and if you can’t, it won’t.

When it comes to racial equality, we are far, very far, from the kindness and respect that we know from science, with absolute certainty, is required for a life—not just a love life, but all of life— that brims with love, satisfaction, meaning, and happiness. 

The life I want for you. The life I hope you want for yourself and for all others.

None of us is perfect when it comes to loving others, but all of us can do better. And we must. 

Sincerely,

Duana

Too much or little time with those you love?

Too much time with some people—not enough with others?

How can you keep love alive either way?

Enhancing your relationships during lockdown is here—my new interview with Unilever and Silja Litvin, endorsed by Cristiano Ronaldo is out NOW:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGrd_9oQNtE&list=PLSLhcrtBE8J5FKij7M7SZGe6vORlaL4DW&index=6&t=0s&fbclid=IwAR3jhmG_J2d3yCUcd9cUeDujcKXkAISVA3lSdxZSrWyfhDadT1F9pAlW6AY

 

Wishing you all well!

Love in the Time of Corona: Limited-time sale on coaching with Dr. Duana Welch

Virtual science-based relationship coaching with Dr. Duana Welch during social distancing is safe, solid, and now— on sale

 March 24, 2020–Dr. Duana Welch, the only science-based international dating-and-relating coach and author of the Love Factuallybook series now out in five languages, today announced a sale on virtual one-on-one coaching. Dr. Welch’s rates, consistently at median for the market, are for the first time at a 33% reduced fee for new clients—$100 rather than $150 per hour during the COVID-19 quarantine.  

“Self-isolation can be lonely, but your relationship and future do not have to be,” Welch says. “This is not the time to drop your relationship goals and dreams. Instead, take this gift of time to continue or prepare for a healthy, happy love life. If you’re holed up with your partner, you may find that you now have time and motivation to work on trouble areas. And if you haven’t yet met the right partner for you, these times offer a return to courtship with a capital C—learning more about others and about genuine intimacy and getting to know someone really well before making a decision, sexually or otherwise, about whether they’re The One.” 

Continues Welch, “For well over a decade now, I’ve had clients around the world by phone, Skype, FaceTime, and other technologies—like many dates will need to do for now. This allows my clients to safely access the guidance they want and need, anywhere in the world, whether they’re in a relationship or would like to be. I hope you’ll reach out at this unprecedented time and let me hear how I can be of help to you.” 

Welch’s practice, available all weekdays without contract and for as many or few sessions as clients prefer, includes but is not limited to customized sessions on the following issues: 

*Creative dating

*Online dating: constructing a winning profile

*Online dating: choosing the right apps or sites for you

*Online dating: navigating early stages of sorting and meeting

*Ambivalence about partnering/readiness

*Mating myths that are holding you back

*Defining, honoring, and understanding your standards

*Quickly figuring out whether someone is right for you, before getting deeply involved

*Avoiding abusers before they have a chance to abuse you

*Learning the best places to meet suitable partners

*Understanding male and female mating psychology and learning the signals that help them become attracted and attached to you

*Pacing the sexual and emotional aspects of a new relationship

*Learning how to communicate honestly and clearly

*Improving conflict skills so the relationship wins

*Recognizing and kindly but firmly setting your boundaries

*Discovering how to renew a flagging relationship

*Choosing how, when, and whether to end a relationship

*Broaching sensitive or difficult topics/secrets with a new partner

*Healing from heartbreak

*Separation and divorce issues and recovery

*Moving on and finding love again

*Single-parent dating and living in a stepfamily

*Dating at any life stage or phase

In keeping with all Welch’s work, sessions are based on science, rather than opinion alone.

“Self-isolation can be lonely, but your relationship and future do not have to be. Take this gift of time to continue or prepare for a healthy, happy love life.”~Dr. Duana Welch

About Dr. Duana Welch & Love Factually:

Dr. Duana Welch (pronounced DWAY-nah) is the original Love Factually author and coach known for using social science to solve real-life relationship issues. She was a professor at universities in Florida, California, and Texas across 20 years, and has contributed to NPR, PBS, Psychology Today, and numerous other outlets, podcasts and videos. Her first book, Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do (2015), is now out globally in five languages. Love Factually for Single Parents [& Those Dating Them] (2019) is the second book in the series, specifically geared for finding the right partner not only for readers, but their families. Her new book series Love Factually Singles (2019-ongoing) provides science-based dating advice in shorter, single-topic titles to save readers time and money while delivering content specific to their needs. All of Duana’s books rely on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the right partner; and they all have a blue cover, for easy identification. Her Love Factually client practice is global, via Skype and other technologies. For more information and free content, see LoveFactually.co. 

Media Contact
Company Name: LoveScience Media, LLC
Contact Person: Duana Welch
Email: duana@lovesciencemedia.com
Phone: 512-529-7499
Country: United States
Website: http://www.lovefactually.co